Review of Where to Draw the Line by Anne Katherine

In Where to Draw the Line, Anne Katherine explores different types of personal boundaries and how they can be violated. She uses relatable examples to raise awareness of how boundaries operate in everyday life. 

I’ve written down some of my key takeaways so you can get a sense of what to expect in the book and decide whether it’s worth reading.

Communication Boundaries and Communication Gaps
Imagine someone says something unpleasant or even humiliating to you. You feel insulted, but you don’t explicitly say so. A week later, that same person complains you haven’t called to check on them and even hints that mutual friends might gossip if you don’t meet.

What’s happened here? A communication gap.

Should you just brush it off and go back to normal? No. A healthier approach is to express what you found humiliating, explain how it made you feel, and make it clear that you need the other person to acknowledge their mistake before you feel safe enough to continue the relationship.

Setting Limits on Attack

Here’s an example from the book:

One partner comes home in a bad mood. The other is in high spirits, looking forward to dinner together. The bad mood spills over into nitpicking:

Angry partner: Stop clacking the dishes like mad.
Other partner: I’m not clacking.
Angry partner: Yes you are.
Other partner: I said I’m not clacking the dishes.
Angry partner: Look at how you’re raising your voice.
Other partner: Yes, I am—because I’m starting to get angry at your complaints.
Angry partner: You’re crazy.
Other partner: I’m out of here.

What’s happening? The other partner is drawing a clear limit—refusing to take part in the attack or feed the manipulator’s rage. Even if the angry partner had a rough day, unloading in this way is not okay.

Parental Boundaries

Parental boundaries are violated when parents use their children to meet emotional needs, share adult worries, or expect them to provide happiness. Children are not equipped to handle adult issues, and they should be protected, not burdened.

For example: Jane, a woman in her thirties, had a mother who constantly criticized her career choices and pried into her personal life. One day, when her mother started in again, Jane said:

“Mom, I am a mature person and I know what I’m doing. If you keep commenting on everything I do, I will stop answering your calls.”

This is a healthy response. Boundaries should be respected whether you’re dealing with strangers, friends, or family—and often, the closest relationships can be the most toxic, making boundaries even more vital.

Dress and Appearance Boundaries
Anne Katherine also touches on how appearance can invite certain reactions. Sometimes we violate our own boundaries by showing up in attire that is inappropriate for the context, potentially attracting attention from people with purely sexual intentions.

Friendship Boundaries
The book discusses what to disclose and share with acquaintances, neighbors, close friends, and intimates. 

Anne also distinguishes between boundaries and barriers: boundaries protect and guide healthy connection, while barriers are rigid walls that keep people out entirely—even those who could become genuine friends or partners.

Final Thoughts
What I appreciate most about this book is how it raises awareness of boundaries through concrete, relatable examples from many areas of life. However, its main weakness is that it doesn’t go far enough in offering practical, step-by-step solutions. Still, it’s a valuable read for anyone who wants to become more mindful of where to draw the line.